How to save America from the Tea Party

A quick recap of recent events: Basically, a bunch of Tea Party Republicans in Congress were willing to force the United States to default on its debts unless they got what they wanted, and damn the consequences. According to a whole passel of top-flight economists, including Nobel laureate Paul Krugman, a default would have triggered a worldwide economic crisis as bad as — or worse than — the one we suffered in 2008. And this is not the first time these Republicans have shown they don’t care how destructive their tactics are. They want what they want.

Who are these people? I did a quick Google search and came up with just some of the major Tea Party players in Congress. Look closely at this list — it’s important:

• Ted Cruz from Texas
• Rand Paul from Kentucky
• Eric Cantor from Virginia
• Marco Rubio from Florida
• Ted Yoho from Florida
• Louis Gohmert from Texas
• Steve Stockman from Texas
• Paul Broun from Georgia
• John Fleming from Louisiana
• Paul Ryan from Minnesota

If you’re like me, most of those names mean nothing to you, except perhaps Ryan, who was the Republican vice presidential nominee in 2012. The interesting point is less who they are than where they’re from. The vast majority of Tea Party Republicans who are leading these destructive crusades are — gasp! — from the South, the Land of Dixie. Who is surprised? Not I. Southerners, with rare exceptions, have been contrary, reactionary, and destructive almost since the formation of the republic. A bit of history:

• The practice of counting black people as fractional people was inserted into the Constitution to appease Southerners. The South got more representatives in Congress without having to actually acknowledge that their slaves were full-fledged human beings.
• The Civil War — 'nuff said.
• The Klan, still considered heroes in many quarters of the Deep South for their continuing policy of lynching uppity black men.
• The South fought tooth and nail against LBJ’s civil rights legislation and court-ordered desegregation. They’re still fighting it.
• Do I even need to bring up gay rights and marriage equality? Or the hundreds of gays and lesbians harassed or beaten, some to death, by genteel Southern “gentlemen” each year, according to FBI statistics?

The South has always considered itself to be the aggrieved party during the Civil War (or, as they phrase it down there, the “War of Northern Aggression”). Granted, the abuses of Reconstruction were rather severe, but I’m going to say something some might argue is brutally unfair: they deserved it. And more: I don’t think Confederates should ever have been welcomed back into the Union, or have been given back their equal voice in Congress. Quite apart from Lincoln’s admirable sentiment of “with malice toward none, with charity for all,” the South has been the voice and promoter of barbarity repressive attitudes for centuries. Now, in their latest incarnation as Tea Party Republicans (most, but by no means all, from the South) are this close to bringing the country to its knees. They are rapidly becoming a cancerous lump in the body politick.

The time has come to find a surgeon to cut that lump out.

Let those people go

Yes, what I’m saying is that the great Lincoln was wrong, that when the Southern states seceded back in 1860, he should have let them go. In fact, these days when reactionary Southern politicians like Texas Governor Rick Perry say that their particular state should secede, I think the President should reply, “Fine. Go. Good riddance.”

As far as I can see, there are any number of good reasons to kick the Southern states out. First, that would get rid of the majority of the worst of the Tea Partiers in Congress (as well as a good number of everyday craven Republicans who kowtow to Tea Party threats). Granted there are Tea Partiers in Congress from many other states, but with the South gone, they would be relegated to the fringe where they belong. The majority of Republicans who remained would still hold what I consider reprehensible positions, but at least we could hope that they wouldn’t be the destructive obstructionists we’ve got now.

It should also be noted that getting rid of many of those Southern states would result in a net plus for the economy of the rest of the Union. According to recent OMB reports, many Southern states absorb more money from the federal government in the form of unemployment benefits, welfare, Medicare, Social Security, and miscellaneous subsidies than they contribute back to the national economy. Alabama wants to complain about Federal government overreach? Fine, let them try to survive without sucking on Uncle Sam’s teat.

Without the disruptive and destructive South, the rest of the Union would be more stable, more harmonious, and more productive.

And what about those decent people, moderates and liberals, living down there who suddenly find themselves in the middle of a new Confederacy? Well, they’ll just have to lump it — or get out, as I did, several decades ago after being beaten one too many times in homophobic attacks. Or if they stay, maybe they’ll realize that they should have worked harder to prevent Tea Party crazies from being elected.

Some people will doubtless argue that this is an extreme response to the problem. Well, these Tea Partiers and their spineless party lapdogs are damaging my country. They’re doing their best to destroy the American way of life as envisioned by great Americans like Jefferson, Lincoln, FDR and Dr. King. I was willing to live and let live, which is what civilized Americans do with people they disagree with — but they’re not willing to grant me the same courtesy.

So, yeah, I’m okay with an extreme response.