Stay in the Loop
BSR publishes on a weekly schedule, with an email newsletter every Wednesday and Thursday morning. There’s no paywall, and subscribing is always free.
Four little words that could kill us: ‘I'll take it, sir'
Four little words that could destroy the planet
Perry Block
They're four simple words you've heard many times and will hear many times more. You're in a restaurant, hotel or theater and you've got something in your hand you wish to dispose of. It might be:
1) Leftover wrappings from the Big Mac and fries you just nauseated yourself with and swear you'll never eat again.
2) Paper towels with which you wiped up a gazpacho spill you clumsily precipitated.
3) Tissues into which you just blew your nose.
4) Nuclear waste.
And so you ask the waiter, cashier, hotel clerk or usher a simple question:
"Where is your trash?"
Don't ask, don't tell
You are indeed sincere. You're willing to walk three quarters of a mile if need be to personally dispose of your refuse, and why not? It's your trash, and you are morally if not legally responsible for its clean, safe, and environmentally friendly demise.
But instead of directing you to the nearest trash or recycling receptacle, the service person utters the four special words, outstretches his or her hand, and willingly receives into his or her palm what may be sufficiently toxic enough to give rise to Rise of Planet of the Apes.
Even if the refuse is glowing and pulsating, the service person refrains from inquiring what it is, declines to put on a pharmaceutical glove, and doesn't even ask you to submit to a "Pre-Taking It Sir Physical Exam."
He or she just takes it, sir!
Why would any sentient being do such a thing? Do hospitality schools offer a course called "Taking It, Sir 101" or "Honors Four Words" in which you learn that sterility is an occupational hazard if you want to work at Wendy's? Do professors actually provide those four specific words? Does the course also include self-treatment for fungal infection?
A simple request
Lately I've resigned myself to expecting my service person to say the four words whenever I've personal rubbish at hand. By no I'm so inured to the practice that if ever a service person actually directed me to the nearest trash receptacle, I'd demand to see the manager. He or she, surely, would take it, sir, and probably comp me for two or three weeks' worth of future free take it, sirs as well.
Four simple words. But those who speak them may unleash the virus that ultimately destroys humanity, or at least give themselves a severe case of genital warts.
So here's to the unsung heroes of the food and hospitality service industries, wherever they may be. May they take it, sir forever more— as long as they keep a hand sanitizer close by.
1) Leftover wrappings from the Big Mac and fries you just nauseated yourself with and swear you'll never eat again.
2) Paper towels with which you wiped up a gazpacho spill you clumsily precipitated.
3) Tissues into which you just blew your nose.
4) Nuclear waste.
And so you ask the waiter, cashier, hotel clerk or usher a simple question:
"Where is your trash?"
Don't ask, don't tell
You are indeed sincere. You're willing to walk three quarters of a mile if need be to personally dispose of your refuse, and why not? It's your trash, and you are morally if not legally responsible for its clean, safe, and environmentally friendly demise.
But instead of directing you to the nearest trash or recycling receptacle, the service person utters the four special words, outstretches his or her hand, and willingly receives into his or her palm what may be sufficiently toxic enough to give rise to Rise of Planet of the Apes.
Even if the refuse is glowing and pulsating, the service person refrains from inquiring what it is, declines to put on a pharmaceutical glove, and doesn't even ask you to submit to a "Pre-Taking It Sir Physical Exam."
He or she just takes it, sir!
Why would any sentient being do such a thing? Do hospitality schools offer a course called "Taking It, Sir 101" or "Honors Four Words" in which you learn that sterility is an occupational hazard if you want to work at Wendy's? Do professors actually provide those four specific words? Does the course also include self-treatment for fungal infection?
A simple request
Lately I've resigned myself to expecting my service person to say the four words whenever I've personal rubbish at hand. By no I'm so inured to the practice that if ever a service person actually directed me to the nearest trash receptacle, I'd demand to see the manager. He or she, surely, would take it, sir, and probably comp me for two or three weeks' worth of future free take it, sirs as well.
Four simple words. But those who speak them may unleash the virus that ultimately destroys humanity, or at least give themselves a severe case of genital warts.
So here's to the unsung heroes of the food and hospitality service industries, wherever they may be. May they take it, sir forever more— as long as they keep a hand sanitizer close by.
Sign up for our newsletter
All of the week's new articles, all in one place. Sign up for the free weekly BSR newsletters, and don't miss a conversation.
