Judy Weightman moves on (sort of)

And did I mention the cold winter’s night many years ago when I found an abandoned infant in a wicker basket on BSR’s front doorstep, with a note pinned to her bonnet that pleaded, “Please develop this child’s ability to distinguish art from commerce”? Yes, you guessed the child: Judy.

But seriously, promoting Judy to editor meant more than taking the path of least resistance. It was a strategic master stroke, if I do say so myself. In the dog-eat-dog world of cultural arts commentary, Broad Street Review needed an editor whose credentials clearly separated us from the rest of the pack. Ask yourself: Among the New Yorker, the New York Times, the New York Review of Books, and the London Times Literary Supplement — not to mention the Philadelphia Inquirer — which organization boasts an editor who holds a PhD in the sociology of religion? That’s right: Thanks to Judy — aka “the world’s most assertive Quaker” — only BSR.

Strategic blunder

Judy’s PhD appealed to me for a more mercenary reason as well: It suggested that Judy was someone willing to defer her rewards for the hereafter and consequently could be exploited willy-nilly in the here-and-now.

For more than two years my plan worked like a charm: Judy expanded our offerings and our audience, refashioned BSR as the ultimate guide to Philadelphia culture, and cultivated a whole new stable of young and diverse writers to counterbalance the old white guys who used to cluster around me.

But now Judy has notified me that, effective April 11, she will step down as BSR’s editor to take a full-time job as a copywriter . . . at a living wage . . . with health benefits . . . and a 401(k) plan.

Where did my grand strategy go wrong? Who knew such materialistic instincts lurked beneath Judy’s saintly exterior?

A job for you?

But seriously, Judy isn’t really leaving BSR: She’ll continue to play a part-time backup support role, just as she did in the past. But we do need to find a new chief editor, and soon. If you’re looking for fame, fortune and power, this is probably not the gig for you. But if you crave education, stimulation, immortality, the joy of intellectual give-and-take, and the pleasure of crafting words into elegant sentences, not to mention free tickets to plays and concerts, do contact me at [email protected].

Be forewarned: Our standards are high. For that reason — and because we’re in a hurry — I will probably scout for Judy’s successor in the teenage black Hispanic lesbian community. This preference has nothing to do with diversity or political correctness; it’s just that those people seem best suited to this kind of work. Let’s face it: The French make the best chefs, Germans make the best engineers, Brits make the best diplomats, Italians make the best lovers, Jews make the best doctors, blacks make the best jazz musicians, Slavs make the best coal miners, Native Americans make the best ironworkers — have I overlooked any ethnic stereotype?

An irreconcilable conflict

Judy’s resignation concludes a bizarre and ultimately disastrous managerial experiment that only a gutsy organization like BSR would dare attempt. For the past two years, I, as senior editor, answered to Judy on editorial matters; and Judy in turn answered to me as president on financial matters. Whatever differences arose between us, we assumed, could be resolved in an atmosphere of mutual good will in the spirit of the Golden Rule.

No such luck. Almost from Day One, Judy insisted on using the Oxford, or serial, comma in all sequential listings — that is, “Red, white, and blue,” instead of “Red, white and blue.” At first I tried to reason with her: “If you don’t use a comma for ‘Jews and Christians,’” I pointed out, “why would you use it for ‘Muslims, Jews, and Christians’?” But Judy — who is not only the world’s most assertive Quaker but also the stubbornest — wouldn’t listen to reason. “That’s how the Oxford book does it,” she kept insisting. Talk about clinging to outmoded dogma!

Finally I had no choice but to pull rank on Judy. “Have you forgotten who signs your paycheck?” I reminded her.

Seriously, I will miss Judy’s devotion to our eccentric little site, her tireless work ethic, her attention to detail, (there’s that Oxford comma again!) and her utter dependability. I would say I’ve grown accustomed to her face, but in this virtual Internet world we hardly ever see each other. At least I won’t lose any more sleep over those superfluous commas.

For Judy Weightman's response, including an explanation of why those commas aren't superfluous, click here.