What I learned from Nora Ephron

I grew up in L.A. and spent my entire life working in theater and film, so I have glimpsed many a celebrity. I'm even ex-friends with a close friend of the late essayist/director Nora Ephron.

I long for Nora's recognition. I too am witty and urbane. I'm fun and a foodie, just like Nora. My words should be quoted and fawned over, my life wisdoms recognized, just like hers.

I never met Nora, nor did I read all her work. And although I liked most of her movies, one or two were just awful. But I found myself delighted when I read that Nora's parents had written the script for a movie that my long-ago professor had directed.

See, I did run in her rarefied circles, or I should have. I mean, he was my mentor, and the foreword of my book was dedicated to him. Am I getting closer to celebrity status?

I'm still friends with people who are friends with my ex-friend who is a friend of someone who says she was Nora's close friend. I don't doubt their friendship, but since I was never invited on the vacations or to the Upper West Side dinners, I can't say for sure.

So why am I so moved by, and still mourn, Nora Ephron's death?

Food and clothing

Part is the jealousy thing. Nora was the know of the in-the-know. She lived the reason we loved "Friends." She was the hip, artistic, intellectual success whose friends were hip, artistic and intellectual too. She worked hard and was rewarded so she could play in fine restaurants and wear East Coast chic and expensive clothes.

But mostly Nora evoked the cool and joyous assurance to think that her life and inner musings merited public commiseration. She was right, but that assurance takes an inner confidence that overwhelmingly floors me.

Her obituaries all recite her career trajectory. Prestigious college, mailroom at Newsweek. Witty discovery essay. The rest is history.

The tributes also inform us of her laissez-faire Hollywood childhood. Booze and take-out— expensive take-out, to be sure, but no mommy baking cookies in the kitchen. As if these were adversities she strove to overcome.

Role model

Maybe. But also in Nora's childhood someone told her that she was smart and capable. She saw her screenwriter mother working and receiving money and praise for her efforts.

Can women have it all? Some can. But having it all means different things to different people. And maybe you can't have it all at the same time.

But praise Nora Ephron. She had more talent than most— and if the news reports are true, more kindness. Through her life and observations we can relate our own lives.

We can learn, too: Don't be afraid to show what you've got. Whatever your profession or life, you can't have anything unless you ask for it. Don't apologize. And it's OK to dress well while doing it.♦


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