Schwarzenegger's "Total Recall'

"Sarah?"

"Yes, who is it?"

"Sarah Connor?"

"Oh my God, you've found me! You've found me!"

"You are Sarah Connor of 1515 Maple Drive, Englewood, California?"

"Yes— yes I am. Are you going to kill me now?"

"Why would I kill you?

"Aren't you a Terminator unit sent back in time to destroy me so I won't give birth to a son named John Connor who will lead the Resistance against murderous machines that take over the Earth?"

"Have you been drinking, Sarah Connor?"

"Well, then who or what the hell are you?"

"I'm Governor/actor/bodybuilder/living legend Arnold Schwarzenegger."

"Governor Schwarzenegger! But why are you here?"

"I'm on a promotional tour to talk about my new book, Total Recall. Perhaps you've seen me on "'60 Minutes,' the "'Tonight Show,' or "'Kelly and Michael'?"

"No, but I did see you on "'Antiques Roadshow.'"

"Then you know all about my honest and frank confessional about the poor choice or two I made while serving as governor of the largest and most powerful state in the Union."

"You mean like bean bagging the housekeeper while you were married to Maria Shriver?"

"Yes, it was the stupidest thing I've ever done in my long, illustrious and multi-faceted career. I am very sorry for the pain that I have inflicted on my future political and show business aspirations."

"Gee, for a moment there I was kinda worried that you weren't sorry."

"Everybody makes mistakes, Sarah Connor. You yourself had sex with Reese, some random guy from the future."

"Hello! Reese was kind of good-looking, as opposed to having a face that had been crushed by the hydraulic press in Terminator 1."

"Here is my book, Sarah Connor. How many copies would you like?"

"Please leave, Governor Schwarzenegger."

"I'll autograph it for you! Although that's extra."

"Just please get out of here."

"All right, then. I'll go, Sarah Connor. But just one thing."

"What?"

"I'll be back."

"In that case, Governor Schwarzenegger, can I make one last request?"

"What, Sarah Connor?"

"Kill me now."